samurai 侍

A legendary warrior class who mastered the art of looking fabulous in shoulder pads while living by a code that said yes to writing emotional poetry about cherry blossoms, and also yes to slicing open your own stomach when things get awkward.

What they were:

Professional warriors serving feudal lords (大名 daimyō)
A hereditary social class (about 10% of the population)
Government bureaucrats during peacetime (surprise!)
The only ones legally allowed to carry two swords (status symbol much?)

What they weren’t:

Lone wolf heroes wandering Japan righting wrongs
Exclusively sword fighters (bows and spears were their primary battlefield weapons)
Invincible warriors who never lost (they were just humans with better armor)
Always men (lookup 女武芸者 onna-bugeisha, the female samurai who could definitely kick your ancestor’s butt)

The samurai starter pack:

刀 katana: The curved sword that spent more time as a status symbol than actually cutting things

脇差 wakizashi: The backup sword for when the first one gets stuck in someone

Elaborate armor: Because intimidation is half the battle

丁髷 chonmage: The original man-bun

武士道 bushido code: Honor guidelines with more loopholes than tax law

Fun fact: Many samurai were literate and cultured, expected to master the “dual path of the brush and sword.” Imagine your CrossFit instructor also teaching poetry and flower arrangement, and you’ve got the idea.